Growing Pains

I can recall several times in my childhood when I had got myself into trouble, and as a result came discipline in the form of a good ole fashion spanking. I remember my Dad letting me know before one such occasion that this was going to hurt him more than it would me. I was appalled. How could he possibly be hurting more than me? Last time I checked I was on the receiving end of this red-hot burning strap of leather, not him. How could he even imagine such nonsense?  Yet now I hear my dad’s voice ring through the air as I am correcting my children, and I fully understand what he meant. To stand and watch a child who has been given the instructions to live a peaceful and victorious life suddenly defy all reason and do “whatever they want because they can;” it hurts. It cuts like a knife into places of hurt I never knew I had. To know that I have to intentionally hand out a discipline upon one of my children upsets me. I also understand the growth that came out of my moments of pain when I was corrected. To allow the heart of mankind to go unbridled and shake its fist at its own creator is as much a wrong as the heart that shakes the fist. 

Just for clarification, I’m not talking about how, when, where, or why you should discipline your child (not even going there). I have seen however that through some of the greatest pain in our lives comes the greatest growth. My wife and I have grown in our marriage because of painful situations that hurt one or both of us. I thank God everyday that He allowed us to walk through the hard things together. Loss of loved ones, job situations, raising teenagers and our own insecurities. In all of those, we grew. We have grown in our walk with God; not to mention how much our marriage has strengthened. We have lost the unthinkable and we have gained the unthinkable. While dealing with the pain is not a place where you throw up your hands and decide to settle, it is a place to learn and grow. I can mentally and emotionally handle situations now that would have crushed me twenty years ago. All because I’ve experienced pain, I understand that it must come from time to time to allow me to grow. Let’s face it, some decisions we have made caused us pain we never imagined. Now we know if we have to make those decisions how not to do that again.

I was thinking of Romans 8:28 where the Bible tells us that, “All things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.” I’ve read that time and time again. Just like my dad telling me the spanking I got hurt him more than me. I have to ask my heavenly father: What? The bible goes on after that verse to tell us how he predestined us to be formed in the image of his son, and that those he predestined he called. Those he called he justified and then glorified. How is it possible that He can know and do all these great things for me and then allow me to have to live through the pain of (you fill in the blank)? How does pain glorify me? How does it possibly glorify anyone for that matter? In case you were wondering, God can handle all these questions. He knew we would have them. They do not shock or offend Him. 

 Often, we get stuck in the comfortable places. Familiar repetitions of life make us feel safe and secure within ourselves. Change hurts. It’s not familiar or secure. God sees the need and the room for our growth, so he prunes us through the reading of the word, relationships and etc. I know that in my life there are areas of sanctuary that I have held off from doing any changing. I feel safe knowing that I can be a certain way there and no one challenges me. I have certain people that I have allowed access in to parts of my life that have no business there because I am comfortable with them, and they don’t judge me. These are areas that have stunted my growth both as a person and as a son of God. It’s hard, even painful, to have those uncomfortable discussions and remove people or things from your life that are familiar. Why should I remove something that works for me? To put it bluntly, it is not about you. If you are truly a child of God, then you must understand that it is about the kingdom of God and what is good for the kingdom. No that isn’t what I want to hear either, but He has never left me or forsaken me. He has never abandoned me. I can’t remember a time that hurt worse than when I have seen one of my children deal with a pain, and I either can’t help them or they won’t allow me to help them with it. It tears me apart when I know my child can be so much more, and then they decide to settle for so much less. I know that some of it is maturity, and I try to talk them through as much of that as they can understand. It’s when they just decide not to bloom because they are afraid of being pruned that hurts me the most. I see the potential and the God given talent, and all they see is the sacrifice and the pain. We do the same thing to God when we decide to draw the line in the sand and declare no more this or that because it hurt. When we refuse to pick up His word and try to find truth and peace in it but instead we ask why me God? What did I do?

I pray that we all learn to walk through the uncomfortable and painful things with the understanding of the view that God has on our lives. He has always seen and understood what is best for us. God knew from the beginning that to have a pure relationship with us we would have to be able to think and do for ourselves. Now isn’t that scary? Like a good parent, he understood that growth only comes through learning, and the best type of learning is hands on. He set forth our beginning with the understanding that we held the ability to change the ending. That is the predestined part. He set you forth with everything needed to walk in the example given by his son Jesus. He has given us the tools and called us to the place that He has destined us for. 

My prayer is that we all take a moment to look at our lives and discover those places of sanctuary, and first make sure they are not just a spiritual hide out. Then, take an inventory of all the places you thought would take you out, but you made it through. I also pray that you would discover the beauty of the growth that came out of the pain. God’s plan for you is far greater than you see.